My Master's Voice

When I was an amorous teenager, I wrote a lot of bad poetry, songs and once the sketch of a novel, with tales of heartache and unreturned crushes. Essentially, I spent much of my teenage years (and my twenties!) wallowing in the belief that it fueled my creativity - and that my experience was unique.

I'm not sure why, but I had flashbacks of sitting in my bedroom, listening to REM whilst writing dubious verse as I considered the departure of my manager, friend and mentor, Andy Coulthurst, as MD of Motors.co.uk.  I suspect the following will make him (and possibly you) highly uncomfortable.  But I'm no longer the cowardly seventeen year old that would let opportunity pass him by, today I want to celebrate it!

In particular, I wanted to highlight the importance of a good mentor.  Someone who provides you with a new way of thinking, pushes you to new limits and helps you enjoy the journey.  

It's not always been nice words, I remember once being mentored with the following gem: "when I see you playing fantasy football at your desk, it makes me want to throw your computer through the fucking window!".  It took me a while, but I eventually realised the lesson was to be conscious of how you are perceived in the workplace.  I also no longer play fantasy football.

From each of my mentors, I have copied things in the hope that I can come near to their standards.  For Andy, it will be his boundless enthusiasm, energy and ability to always conjure new ideas.  I must no longer retreat within myself when things get hard, and fight negativity with positivity.  A true salesman's ability to move on from rejection to the next opportunity.  (an approach that would have been much more advisable as a teenager than the drawers of poor poetry I accumulated)

So whilst it might be weird to write poems about your colleagues (another mentor once told me that), I think it's fitting to remember Andy with a bad poem.  Enjoy and feel free to judge, I don't care!

My Master's Voice

"Brilliant" he said, every time.

And, for him, it always was. Can it now be for me?

From his energy I'm fully charged, 

For the next challenge on our path.

We conquered Vegas, on the front row,

of our International Leadership Conference.

The most willing and driven of servants,

In focused pursuit of our shared dream.

The Starsky to my Hutch, 

The Maggie to my Dennis,

I must now emerge from the chrysalis

He ordered me to build in his vision.

My tea is now stronger, my resolve firmer,

My energy unbounded, my accent northerner.

Ask me how I am?  And like my master

I'll always reply "Brilliant".

Outlook v Phill

I have a problem.  An addiction.  I'm a slave to my inbox.  Outlook is my Everest.  I yearn to silence it, to control it.  But (wifi permitting) emails continue to flow.  I hate to lose the fight, but I'm not smart enough to change the rules to even give me a sporting chance.

It started with a simple proposition.  If I could end the day with fewer emails in my inbox at the end of the day than at the start, then that would be a win.  This would mean that I stayed on top of my tasks (naively assuming my duties and emails were directly linked), but also I would not be one of "those people" who ignores other people's emails.  The tidiness of it appealed to the Virgo in me.

At a strategy session I was presented with a 2x2 diagram that starkly highlighted just where I was going wrong. My interpretation of it is below:

So the assumption that email represented my work duties was nuts.  Yes, I can hold my head up when it comes to  the important and urgent issues (most of the time).  But, I have definitely been guilty of putting off the important, not urgent for another day.  It's been easy to justify because I may have ended up sending a bunch of emails and even beating my inbox that day.

But my inbox is a myopic, self-centered little bastard who wants all my attention.  He also wants me to fail on my longer term tasks.  Even if I mark something as a "task" and move it, he knows that the lure of an unread email is too much for me.  In short, I am my inbox's bitch.

At this stage, you're probably expecting some insight into how I overcame this and became a better person, a better colleague, better boss, better husband, better father.  But I haven't overcome it.  I'm at the epicentre of it.  I'm slightly better than I have been in that I've acknowledged the problem.  I've even thought of things I might do to help counter it - mind maps of longer term goals, "black out" times from email, pre-defined filters.  But, I always end up being distracted by emails.

Once I've answered every email ever, I will be a free and productive man.  I will jump on Outlook's grave and celebrate, but after a few minutes I'll probably check my phone for emails.  

The thought of the silence terrifies me.

The Smartest Finger

Motors.co.uk launched it's new TV creative, Smart Finger, on Sunday.  I love the creative.  It's memorable, charming and looks great.  But more than that, it's smart.  I want to share some insight as to why.

In all honesty, I was a little nervous approaching the launch to our business. It could never be the seismic shift that our Carfuffle campaign was having never run national TV campaigns before.  The emotion of that launch was incredible, as was the impact to the business, and I guess I was worried about trying to recreate that.  But I was making the wrong comparison.  This campaign was different. It was built completely on insight (even more so than Carfuffle).  In other words, it was Smart.

Meet Smart Finger - not modelled on me!

Going into this campaign we knew what worked: how consumers responded to seeing our product on screen; which channels and programmes generated the best engagement; the need to communicate the benefits of the product; and requirement to make it enjoyable. You'd think with this that we'd be an easy client for our creative agency, Brave, to manage - but we were a pain.

The first problem is that we don't understand why other people don't find Motors.co.uk as interesting as we do.  I will never be able to rationalise this.  I simply hope that everyone will become a believer like me.

The second is that when asked to summarise why consumers should come to Motors.co.uk it takes my MD and I about 5 minutes to run through the many advantages of our site. Apparently it's not efficient to buy whole ad breaks listing the many ways in which we think people should visit.

We'd made the decision to move on from Carfuffle which was essentially a launch campaign introducing something new, but finding a campaign that would be as endearing to us was always going to be hard.  And this comes back to the emotion of the initial launch.  Could we ever fall in love again like we did with Mark, our headless chicken and Amy (feedback on the ad had a lot of people falling in love with Amy)?  But did we need to?  We knew what would work and had some great creative ideas to work with that would hit all of the areas perfectly.

Amy's ad was banned from Nickelodeon!

Mark astride his headless chicken

Then we met Smart Finger.  It was love at first sight.  

I expected this to be watered down over time as we poured over scripts and countless edits, but the attention to detail from Blac Ionica and the immensely talented pupeteers and model makers brought it to life.  Add to this Peter Serafinowicz's barking voice over and frantic 80s soundtrack, and the pace and urgency of the need to visit Motors.co.uk is brought to life.

"And the best thing about Smart Finger..." as our ad says, is that it empowers the consumer - they feel smart by using our site.  Hopefully this psychology won't be lost in the viewing.

Given what we've learnt in the last year, I always expected the ad to be intelligent and good.  But the energy and ambition that pours from the ad is the truest reflection of the team at Motors.co.uk.  Now, "get your smart finger out and find the right car for you at Motors.co.uk"!

Ok, when angry, he does look like me!

Songs of 2014

Over the last few years, I've challenged myself to list my favourite songs of the year (see 2012 and 2013).  This is partly a vain attempt to force my musical tastes on others, but it is also a means for me to document my choices of the year.  The first thing that strikes me is how hard it is to remember across a full 12 months, my memory being typically restricted to my previous meal.

Below is my list of tracks that managed to leave crumbs in my memory and have brought me lots of joy over the year.  If even one of these tracks intrigues you to discover more, then I'll be pleased.  But I'll happily satisfy myself that I can point to a record of my interests in 2014.

The list is in no particular order, other than the first track which continues to blow my mind and everyone should take a quiet moment to enjoy it.  Should you want to listen consecutively, here's the YouTube playlist http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLKJb-1gYRIjGt_SpgOCPLgFY6biDbW0xx 

Slow Club - Not Mine to Love

A great album of 2014, but I heard a live version of this on Marc Riley and almost had to stop the car.  Absolutely spin-tingling.  The strings on the album version are great, but the live version is so intimate and powerful

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3hTdLXdbLrg 

Jenny Lewis - She's Not Me

So pleased that she's back.  Her previous album, Rabbit Fur Coat, was the soundtrack to much of my twenties and this is such a strong record.  Lots of good tracks, but I love the darkness and honesty of this song against other more pop-ier (though no less personal) tracks

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9hKp2zm6X4 

Conor Oberst - Hundreds of Ways

Like Jenny Lewis, Bright Eyes was a constant listen in the early noughties and whilst I've continued to follow Conor Oberst's career, this song was the first time I've sensed the energy of I'm Wide Awake It's Morning.  Great storytelling

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4nNXIOqevUk 

Sharon Van Etten - Afraid of Nothing

Her album is one of the strongest of 2014 and every single performance is incredibly moving.  This song begins the album and sets a great tone 

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wIUsuUsiKb0 

Burning Hell - Wallflowers

I have the biggest smile listening to this band.  Intelligent, humorous lyrics throwing out the occasional poetic sucker punch ("like a crow, don't you know, I'm helpless around shiny things"). Also check out Amateur Rappers 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-A0cJK3skk (song begins at 1m20)

Courtney Barnett - History Eraser

Probably my favourite new act of the year.  So original and effortlessly cool.  Love the album

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k6_G5PlEXdk 

St Vincent - Prince Johnny

Like a modern day Grace Jones, I admire the ambition of the album.  This song is particularly heartfelt and enjoyable (with the right dose of weirdness)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=idllxjHbX7w 

Anna Calvi - Eliza

Continuing the theme of strong women, Anna Calvi followed up with a great album losing none of the power of her debut

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=20gmnV5Xkro 

The Handsome Family - Far From Any Road

This song isn't actually from 2014 but it has absolutely been part of my soundtrack.  Used as the theme tune for True Detective, I've loved getting to know more of this band

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NGw7KtRxfgU 

Wave Pictures - Pea Green Coat

A recent favourite, full of energy and brilliant musicianship. Exactly what music should sound like 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_K9LQW4TJFw 

Alvvays - Archie, Marry Me

I'm always a sucker for a 60s dreamy sound and this is a great specimen.  Looking forward to hearing more from them

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAn3JdtSrnY 

There we go.  Hope you enjoy.  Apologies if you hate the songs, but bigger apologies to the hundreds of songs that have passed through my ears and not been trapped by the wax.

Happy Christmas!

Behind The Music - Christmas For Vampires

By now, I'm sure you've heard this year's Christmas smash - Christmas For Vampires.  But in fear that the song is instantly forgotten, I thought I'd tell the story about the conception and production. There's no budget for a documentary for BBC Four, but I have got a few minutes for a blog.




Why the Song?
So I'm a weird guy who likes recording fun songs.  I like the feeling of a song coming together as I figure my way through it.  I then struggle to get the recording to sound like how I imagine it should, and my limitations musically and on Garage Band only exacerbate this.  But, I felt a need to be creative.  I don't have the courage to do a "serious" song, so I do songs that I hope are mildly amusing, and at least a great memory for the boys.  Plus, it's Christmas.

Why Vampires?
This is all down to Ted (4).  We were discussing Christmas song ideas over breakfast and he stated that there are no spooky Christmas songs. Granted, Christmas not usually viewed as a spooky time of year.  But he had a point, surely ghosts, vampires, bats etc all celebrate Christmas.  Ted was on the high of Halloween and an obsession with the Monster Mash, that fused into the inspiration for the song:

The Musical Inspiration
I appreciate it might not sound like much thought went into the music, but the nugget of the song actually comes from Johnny Cash.  I was watching an excellent documentary about his concert at Folsom Prison and the live performance of Folsom Prison Blues ("I shot a man in Reno...") blew me away.  I took out my guitar and clumsily followed the chords.  This is broadly the chord structure used in this song (though in E flat rather than F)

The opening is from Bach's Toccata en Fugue, though the vampire link is hopefully obvious.  But the merge of this into Jingle Bells (which I don't think works very well on the song) is actually a nod to Joni Mitchell who does it brilliantly in The River

The Lyrics
Ted provided most of the ideas for the lyrics, and I merely tried to stitch them together around the chords.  The repetition of certain lines, is me being lazy to try and nail Ted's key lines.  I love the idea of the vampire family sitting down to a Christmas lunch of blood.  

The Recording
The process of recording the song saps almost any joy I have in creating the song, leaving me resenting my playing and the song itself.  It is a trade-off to get something credible on tape against the timebomb of me throwing my computer out of the window and cutting my hands off so that I can never make music again.  This song came closer to violence than most.  I threw away the first recording as it was too quick, out of time and just quite shit.  The second version took multiple takes of multiple tracks.  It's probably too slow, but I couldn't be bothered to do it again.

The Solo
The guitar solo is unashamedly self-indulgent.  These home recordings allow me to play lead guitar as if I have friends with me and I love it.  This solo isn't technical, but boy did I make a fist of it.  But for the geeky info, it's played through a Vox AC30 with a decent level of fuzz from my Boss FZ5 pedal - a present I bought myself a year ago and have not had a chance to use.  The sound was inspired from a documentary I watched about Marshall amps, in particular Rick Parfitt's sound at the start of Status Quo's Caroline:

What Next?
Creatively Ted and I are a bit exhausted.  But knowing his obsession with Christmas, I expect we'll start spitballing ideas as early as Boxing Day.  Perhaps we'll release a Christmas album in time for Easter.  Wilf is also showing signs of interest musically which will add a new dynamic.

I apologise in advance.

Holiday Emotions

Sometimes I hate myself.  Whilst there are many imperfections that I regularly get frustrated about, nothing makes me want to hang my head in shame than making bad, predictable jokes that make you look like a twat.

In the last couple of years, I have developed a habit of making a joke of incredible twatishness.  I am the person who makes jokes about colleagues using their holiday allocation.  I hate others who do it and I hate it when I do it, but before I can think of anything eloquent to say the following phrases leap from my mouth:

- "You're off again?!"

- "Is this another sabbatical?!"

- "Haven't you already had a day's holiday this year?"

- "Don't worry about us!"

It occurred to me the other day why I do this.  I'm trying to protect myself.  What I really want to do is scream "PLEASE DON'T LEAVE US, I'M SCARED THE COMPANY WILL FALL APART WITHOUT YOU" whilst clinging to their ankles and dragging them back to their desks.

This happens every time someone goes on holiday.
Source. CTLive.Info 

Now I appreciate that this might all come across as quite weird, but it is driven from a (largely) commercial and rational base. At Motors.co.uk, we're still a small company.  We're growing fast and there aren't enough hours in the day.  When people aren't there, their loss is felt.

People do need holiday and it's important to recharge one's batteries, but it's also important for people to know that they have a team that will welcome them back firmly when they return.  I may well look into a full, flag waiving hero's welcome for anyone taking more than 3 days off at any time.  

In the meantime, if anyone hears me joking about their upcoming holiday, just remember that I'm hurting.  As the wise Aswad sang: "Don't turn around, 'cause you're gonna see my heart breaking".

Potentially people will now find the emotional responsibility of taking holiday too much.  (have I just made a bad joke about people taking holiday?  Dammit!)

The Brand Or The Car?

When I was at school, there was rarely less chance of getting bullied than if your parents drove a Skoda.  Kids whose parents didn't even have a car took the piss, it was deemed worse than having a car.  Fast forward twenty years and Skoda regularly wins awards for its cars and has generated strong customer loyalty.  I know enough about them to know that they are genuinely good cars at great value.  But, push come to shove, I probably still wouldn't buy one for fear of being taunted by the playground.  Their brand perception has improved drastically to a point that I wouldn't have thought possible as a smarmy 10 year old.

Worse than not having a car?!
Source: Wikipedia

The long term value and association of a brand lingers.  It can be repaired, it can be altered, but our emotions towards a brand are personal and affected by our own interactions with the brand - it's not a quick fix.  This obviously creates a nightmare for marketeers who would love to deliver quick changes in a homogenous manner.

The brand relationship is particularly powerful with cars.  We have recently changed our family car, and it forced my wife and I to look outside our usual brands.  As a couple, we have a number of shared values, and a respect of German cars was one of them (albeit, not something we lingered on in early dates).  For reasons of budget and model range (we "needed" 7 seats and 4x4) we were taken away from our German bruders.  

(as an aside, research from Motors.co.uk shows that German brands have the biggest brand allegiance - 59% of BMW drivers intend to stick with a BMW next time)

Naturally, I used the Motors.co.uk Smart Search to help decide the best car for our criteria.  I'm afforded the responsibility of identifying the shortlist of cars for consideration.  This one took some convincing, because it you're not spending north of £40,000, a 4x4 purchase tends to be a utilitarian purchase.  The romance of the process was lost as we conceded the need for practicality over fun.

When it looked like a Volvo was the most likely outcome, I was satisfied, my wife was in shock.  "How can I be a Volvo driver!" she exclaimed.  I was perplexed.   She knew that the decision was a good one, based on a market leading car search tool(!), but her emotional reaction to the brand put her hackles up.  As far as Bianca was concerned, we might as well get two labradors, wear cardigans and become bores who discuss A roads and NCAP ratings.

I, on the other hand, was very comfortable with this.  Not only do I back myself when it comes to A roads and NCAP ratings, my parents had Volvos when I was younger and my perception of them was very different.  The first car I drove on passing my test was a Volvo 440, quickly moving onto 2 different S40s.  I didn't perceive them as boring.  I knew that such a view existed.  But I viewed them as almost luxury cars.  No other 17 year old was driving as nice a car as me.  I was a Volvo driver, and proud of it.  (If you didn't know me as a teenager, this paragraph will give you a very good impression of just how cool I was)

Hilarity from the Volvo Touing Car Team - I loved it!
Source: TouringCarTimes.com

Common sense, and a lack of other attractive options prevailed and we are now Volvo owners.  I'll probably wait a couple of years before joining the owners' club, but I do hope that I'll be able to transform Bianca's views on the brand.  For the millions spent on glamorous TV advertising, the real connection with the brand comes from personal experience.  This is an area that should never be underestimated by brands.  Your brand isn't your advert, it is your product and everything that surrounds it.

I'm pleased that we reached a rational outcome.  Though, I should probably admit that on paper arguably the best choice for us was a Land Rover ... but I refuse to become a Land Rover driver.

Perfectly rational.